Intuitively you know that self-confidence is a desired trait to possess. You may have heard the words, “you just need to develop some self-confidence” directed at you when you were younger, so you equated self-confidence with success, a noble goal to achieve. Somewhere along the way, however, you got distracted. Merriam-Webster defines self-confidence as: confidence in one’s self and one’s abilities.
In my experience coaching individuals to free up time in their lives for what they truly enjoy and want to spend more time doing, developing self-confidence is never the actual goal. The core focus is developing self-awareness. You can’t build confidence in yourself until you know who you are and what you are capable of achieving. I have the person take time to examine what he or she values and the behaviors he or she has that are getting in the way of what’s really desired. Self-confidence will naturally increase when you know who you are, what you stand for, and in which direction you want your life to go.
One exercise I like to use with people is to have them write their own obituary. It sounds morbid but the purpose is to serve as a wake up call, which many people need to shake free of standing still. First, write what you think people would say about you today if you were gone. Second, write the words you want people to say about you. Seeing this juxtaposition helps you begin to uncover some of the beliefs you’re harboring about yourself.
Fear is almost always at the root of what keeps people from moving through obstacles and challenges in life: fear of the unknown, fear of failure, and sometimes fear of success. When you dwell on thoughts of doubt, failure, and inefficiency you give those thoughts power; and over time your unconscious mind begins to believe those limiting messages running through your head: “I’m not good enough;” “People will laugh if I try and fail;” “I don’t deserve to be happy and successful.”
Indecision is a frequent cause of fear. People hesitate to take a step one way or the other for fear that they might do the wrong thing, and this spirit of irresolution and hesitation often leads them into the very mistakes they would avoid. It’s like a person on a bicycle, endeavoring to steer clear of an obstruction on the road, but all the while keeping his eyes on the obstacle so that a collision is inevitable. There is nothing more disastrous to success than being distracted by obstacles instead of keeping your eyes on the end goal.
The extremes to which a fearful person will sometimes go to avoid doing the self-reflection work are understandable. You’re challenging beliefs you’ve held for a number of years. Surprisingly, just beginning the process of self-examination is freeing and gives a huge boost to your self-confidence.
It’s heartening to know that confidence breeds confidence. Once you begin to see yourself emerging on the path of your choosing, you develop energy and motivation to reach for more and more. The building of self-confidence doesn’t have to be difficult; it requires intelligent, consistent effort to know yourself and patience. It takes time to “clean house” when you’ve got so much clutter in your head and you have behaviors to change. Be compassionate with yourself—as understanding as you would be with a friend undergoing life changes.
If you want to be self-confident, resolve to follow it to completion with bulldog tenacity. Realize that no half-hearted, intermittent efforts will achieve your desired purpose. Hold in your mind the supreme assurance that you can and will achieve it by getting to know who you are and what you want in life. Your reward for your energy and perseverance will be everything you imagine.
Nowadays, a person requires confidence to be able to handle all of life’s challenges. Without it, you can feel inadequate and unimportant.
If you look around, you will observe that confidence is very important and needed in relationships, careers and parenting. Building confidence is a continuous and long process, starting from the moment you first walked.
Confidence is not something that a person is born with. It comes from within a person’s desire for self-improvement, encouragement and belief of other people and accomplishments or achievements.
You might think that there are people who are born with a level of confidence that is enviable. You would be surprised at how hard they have worked to become that confident.
There are effective ways to build confidence. Here are some great tips that you should consider.
1. Find a role model that you could learn from. Having an actual person to look up to would make it easier and realistic for you. Make sure you find out how they became confident and what the factors are, which influenced that person’s confidence level.
2. Consider your achievements and accomplishments. They would help build up your confidence faster.
3. Learn to act confidently. If you do this, thinking and feeling confident would soon follow.
4. Being well-prepared is one of the reasons why confident people stay confident. Nothing destroys confidence more effectively than being caught unprepared.
5. Continually work on your skills. You will be surprised at how confident you will feel when you know you possess the right skills and talents.
6. Learn to relax. To build confidence, you should know how to compose your self and relax. Some people believe that by relaxing, you will be able to fell more confident. On the other hand, if you did not relax, you will feel unprepared.
7. Don’t set yourself up for disappointments. Building confidence would be easier if you set realistic goals. If you feel confident enough to move forward, make sure you do it slowly.
8. Give yourself a pat on the back everytime you succeed in one of the goals you have set for yourself. By congratulating yourself, you learn about personal limitations and expectations.
Again, building confidence is not something that can be achieved overnight. If you experience some setbacks, you should charge it to experience and always learn from your mistakes. By not being hard on yourself, you will be able to genuinely build your confidence.