So, you’ve separated. The relationship has ended. Now what? How does a person move on in a healthy way? Separations are surely not easy, whatever the scenario, but there are methods to reduce your struggle.
— Give yourself time to grieve.
No matter how committed you are to moving on, you have to give yourself time to mourn the relationship. Whether you had been the one to leave or your partner was, separations are almost always painful. Adjustments have to be made and feelings processed, and this naturally will take time.
Sometimes people make the particular mistake of attempting to bury their difficult feelings, but in this way they are trying to bypass the healing process completely. Indeed no one wants to feel miserable. We desire to feel better as soon as possible. However, the only effective way to feel better is to face your feelings directly.
Allow yourself to feel hurt, miserable, angry, baffled, and all the other emotions that often come with breakups. If you permit yourself to feel these things now, you’re more unlikely to have those feelings resurface down the road when you’re least anticipating it.
— Form a support network
You’ve gone from sharing a daily part of your life with somebody else to being single all over again. For lots of people, this is just about the hardest of changes. Maybe you feel alone, but in all probability you’re really not. Now is the right time to reach out to your good friends and family members for support. Phone them when you need someone to speak to. Invite them over when you need to have a good laugh, cry, get your thoughts off these things, get away from home, vent, and do any other activity you have to do.
— Get out and about
Just as much as you might want to shut the whole world and everyone in it out from time to time, you need to get out of the house and be social as well. Get out with family, a few of your good friends as well as others from your trusted support network.
In the event you really don’t have such a circle, then it is now time to work on getting one.
Get involved in some new hobbies or activities and meet some new people. Instead of looking at the breakup like a entire loss, try looking at it from a different viewpoint. You have got the opportunity at this point to devote time to other things, making new friends, acquiring new knowledge, developing newinterests and concentrating on yourself.
— Move things all around you
You’re starting a whole new chapter in your life, and a good way to remind yourself of this is simply by rearranging your surroundings. Change the position of any chair, your bed, a table. Move a photo or buy a new one. Create these types of modifications to your home and things can really feel different in a fresher, newer way.
— Give back
You may be going through a particularly rough time right at this moment, but why not put things in perspective a little bit, do some volunteer work, or get involved with a charity. It can feel great to do things for others, especially those who are really in need.
Think about what type of things you can get involved with. If are fond of animals, you could volunteer at a pet shelter. If you’re a person of faith, you can get involved with charity work done by your place of worship. There are plenty of different alternatives, but you need to choose something which is meaningful to you. You will feel wonderful after assisting, AND it will help to get your loss into perspective.
Above all, give yourself time to make the adjustments necessary, time to process your own emotions, and time to recover. Be gentle with yourself and you’ll find yourself moving forward right into a better day.
Peter Field is a British hypno-psychotherapist and a Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. Please visit his Birmingham Hypnotherapy site for more information. His international best selling best selling hypnotherapy book ‘The Chi of Change’ is now available from Amazon and other good book sellers.
The most successful people all have certain habits in their daily routines.
They help contribute to their success and can be considered good habits to form. It could be something simple like, setting a goal to, “Do good each day,” like Benjamin Franklin did.
It could also be something more elaborate such as spending most of your morning in bed like Winston Churchill. Churchill would wake up at 7:30am daily, eat breakfast, read his mail and newspaper until 11am.
1. PLAN YOUR DAY THE NIGHT BEFORE
Every minute spent in planning saves 10 minutes in execution. Sit down with a piece of paper and write down everything that you need to do the coming day. If for any reason you don’t do this, it should be the first thing you do every morning. When you write down a list you have a track to run on.
Writing down a list clarifies your thinking and goals…
Writing down a list forces you to think at a higher level…
If you start working from a list you increase you output 25% each day.
One of the habits of millionaires is that they start their day working from a list.
2. SET PRIORITIES ON YOUR LIST BEFORE YOU START THE DAY
Work from the 80/20 rule. If you have 10 items on your list of things to do, two will be the more important than all of the other items put together.
Go down your list and answer the question, “If I were to be called out of town for a month, what are the most important tasks that I must accomplish?”
Last fall I was out of the country traveling across 15 countries in 36 days. When I looked at my list of things to do before I left, I had to get my most important tasks done.
Once you identify these most important tasks, it brings us to the final step in starting your day.
3. COMPLETE THE MOST IMPORTANT TASK FIRST
Begin immediately on your most important task and focus on it and only it until completion.
All success in life comes from project completion and living a life of good habits will help you complete more projects.
A project with multiple tasks is called a “multi-task job”. This means that there are several smaller jobs to complete within the larger job. Organize your jobs by sequence in a checklist and start on you most important project. Complete the smaller jobs in you project, until the entire project is complete. This process is called “single handling” and it’s one of the most powerful things that you can use in managing your time. You can increase your productivity by 50% by planning, starting and completing your most important tasks every single day.
If you can develop these habits of successful people and do those three things, plan your day the night before, organize your tasks in order of importance, and complete your most important task first thing during your day. You will increase your productivity overnight.