What Creates Self-Esteem?

We all want to feel good about ourselves but many of us go about this in the ways that will never create self-esteem. Do you believe that you will have high self-esteem when: • You make a lot of money? • You achieve a high position in your work? • You have an expensive car or an expensive home? • You are famous? • You find the right relationship? • You receive approval from the important people in your life?

Self Esteem Test

While all of these can result in momentary good feelings, none of them create a deep and abiding sense of self-esteem. Self-esteem actually has nothing to do with your achievements or with other people. Self-esteem results from two things regarding your inner relationship with yourself: • How you see yourself • How you treat yourself Richard, a client of mine, is a very successful businessman. He is wealthy, lives is a big house, has expensive cars, a lovely wife and three children. But Richard consulted with me because of his low self-esteem. He was perplexed that he continued to feel so inadequate in spite of all that he had achieved and all that he had. As we worked together, it became apparent that, no matter what the outer truth was, Richard continued to see himself as the inadequate child his father told him he was. His inner dialogue was often self-critical, just as his father had been with him. And not only did Richard constantly judge himself as his father had judged him, he treated himself as his father had treated him – ignoring his own feelings and needs. As a result, Richard was always looking to others for the attention and approval that he didn’t receive from his father and was not giving to himself. Instead of being a loving parent to the child within him, he was a harsh and inattentive inner parent. Jackie, another client of mine, is a very successful actress. Yet fame and fortune have not given her self-esteem. No matter how many people tell her how beautiful and talented she is, she still feels inadequate and insecure most of the time. This is because, on the inner level, Jackie is constantly telling herself that she is stupid. “How could I have made that stupid remark!” “How could I have acted so stupid?” Mirroring her mother’s own self-judgments and her judgments toward Jackie, she is constantly putting herself down. Until Jackie learns to see herself through eyes of truth rather than eyes of judgment, she will continue to feel inadequate and insecure. It might make it easier to see how you create your own high or low self-esteem if you think of your feeling self as a child within. No matter how much you achieve or how much approval you get from others, if you are treating your inner child badly – by ignoring your feelings and judging yourself – you will continue to feel inadequate. If you continue to see yourself through the distorted eyes of your parents, siblings, peers or teachers, and continue to treat yourself the way they treated you or the way they treated themselves, you will continue to have low self-esteem. If you open to seeing the truth of who you really are – a beautiful divine soul who just wants to love – then you will treat yourself as you would treat anyone whom you saw as a beautiful divine soul. When you take loving action in your own behalf, you will feel valued rather than inadequate. Loving actions might include: • Speaking up for yourself with others and telling your truth without blame or judgment in conflict situations. • Taking care of your body through eating well, getting enough exercise, enough sleep, and so on. • Creating a balance between work, rest, play and creative time. • Treating yourself and others with respect and compassion rather than with judgment. • Attending to – rather than ignoring – your own feelings and needs. • Taking the time to pray and meditate. • Choosing to notice your thoughts and practicing inner self-discipline regarding your thoughts. When taking loving action in your own behalf replaces your inattentive and judgmental behavior toward yourself, you will feel high self-esteem.

5 Tips To Supercharge Your Motivation

Motivation is the driving force behind life-enhancing change. It comes from knowing exactly what you want to do and having an insatiable, burning desire to do what’s necessary to get it. It keeps your dream on track as it is the power of motivation that keeps you going when the going gets tough.

Motivation is the driving force behind life-enhancing change. It comes from knowing exactly what you want to do and having an insatiable, burning desire to do what’s necessary to get it. It keeps your dream on track as it is the power of motivation that keeps you going when the going gets tough.

Here’s 5 top tips to help you supercharge your motivation:

1. Create a picture board and fill it with images of your desired goals.

The car you want to own, the house you want to live in, the area where you want to live yes, they’re the obvious ones. Others could be pictures of holiday destinations, trophies, first-class travel tickets, clothes you want to buy, fine restaurants you want to frequent – whatever you can think of that gets your pulse racing.

2. GET ANGRY.

If you want to change your life for the better then get angry about where you’re at now. Having a blasé attitude towards change isn’t what’s needed and it won’t create a strong desire within you. So ask: “Why do I want to change?” Is it because you’re FED UP with debts? Does your job DRIVE YOU CRAZY? Is your life DULL AND PRECITABLE? Are you SICK AND TIRED of doing the same thing week in week out? Are you BORED BEYOND BELIEF by the dull, uninspiring, unhappy people you associate with? THEN GET ANGRY ABOUT IT. And I mean REAL ANGRY. Write it all down, all of the frustrating, unrewarding, miserable lot of it that makes every day a dull slog until your final days. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

3. Speaking of your final days, start to appreciate the value of time.

Time is one of the most precious resources you have and it is also a NON RENEWABLE resource. You can either use it fully or squander it. If you want to create change you’re going to have to invest a lot of time to make it happen. Start to reduce the time you waste on irrelevancies: Television, newspapers, lie-ins, weekends spent shopping, partying, dining out, visiting an endless line of relatives and friends – these won’t help you get what you want and all of them will rob time from you. Valuable time that you can use much more effectively by investing it in YOU. Remember this: You have a finite amount of time here on Earth. You don’t know how much time you have – no one does. But it’s how you use the time you have that counts. So make your time count and that means starting from right NOW.

4. Conformity.

Are you a mindless little sheep who’s way too timid to pursue your own way? Do you have to follow where everyone else goes, doing exactly what everyone else does and therefore, who gets the same levels of happiness as all the other little sheep? Seriously, does this describe YOU? Are you too frightened to be different than all of the other sheep because they wouldn’t like it if you decided to follow a different path? So you dutifully trot along following all the other sheep because if they’re doing it then that’s how it is right? But if you do what everyone else does you’ll just get what everyone else gets. Do you want to be a mindless, timid little sheep who blindly follows all the other sheep? Or do you want to be a leader, a warrior who possesses the courage to be uniquely you and to do what you want to do and make your dreams happen? If so then this means you have to be more like a tiger than a sheep. Do you really want to be a sheep? I mean, haven’t we got enough sheep already?

5. Fear your fear.

Fear is the force that is determined to stop you in your tracks and rob your dreams from you. But it can only do this if you let it. Are you going to let this cruel destructive charlatan trample on your dreams, steal your happiness and crush your spirit? Imagine this thought haunting your final days: “I didn’t do the things I wanted because I was too frightened to live”. And by then, it’ll be far too late to conquer fear. Refuse to let fear spoil your life and start taking action – now!

The world is waiting for your unique gifts. Why keep it waiting any longer?

What Creates Self-Esteem?

We all want to feel good about ourselves but many of us go about this in the ways that will never create self-esteem.

Do you believe that you will have high self-esteem when:

• You make a lot of money?

• You achieve a high position in your work?

• You have an expensive car or an expensive home?

• You are famous?

• You find the right relationship?

• You receive approval from the important people in your life?

While all of these can result in momentary good feelings, none of them create a deep and abiding sense of self-esteem.

Self-esteem actually has nothing to do with your achievements or with other people. Self-esteem results from two things regarding your inner relationship with yourself:

• How you see yourself

• How you treat yourself

Richard, a client of mine, is a very successful businessman. He is wealthy, lives is a big house, has expensive cars, a lovely wife and three children. But Richard consulted with me because of his low self-esteem. He was perplexed that he continued to feel so inadequate in spite of all that he had achieved and all that he had.

As we worked together, it became apparent that, no matter what the outer truth was, Richard continued to see himself as the inadequate child his father told him he was. His inner dialogue was often self-critical, just as his father had been with him. And not only did Richard constantly judge himself as his father had judged him, he treated himself as his father had treated him – ignoring his own feelings and needs. As a result, Richard was always looking to others for the attention and approval that he didn’t receive from his father and was not giving to himself. Instead of being a loving parent to the child within him, he was a harsh and inattentive inner parent.

Jackie, another client of mine, is a very successful actress. Yet fame and fortune have not given her self-esteem. No matter how many people tell her how beautiful and talented she is, she still feels inadequate and insecure most of the time. This is because, on the inner level, Jackie is constantly telling herself that she is stupid. “How could I have made that stupid remark!” “How could I have acted so stupid?” Mirroring her mother’s own self-judgments and her judgments toward Jackie, she is constantly putting herself down. Until Jackie learns to see herself through eyes of truth rather than eyes of judgment, she will continue to feel inadequate and insecure.

It might make it easier to see how you create your own high or low self-esteem if you think of your feeling self as a child within. No matter how much you achieve or how much approval you get from others, if you are treating your inner child badly – by ignoring your feelings and judging yourself – you will continue to feel inadequate. If you continue to see yourself through the distorted eyes of your parents, siblings, peers or teachers, and continue to treat yourself the way they treated you or the way they treated themselves, you will continue to have low self-esteem. If you open to seeing the truth of who you really are – a beautiful divine soul who just wants to love – then you will treat yourself as you would treat anyone whom you saw as a beautiful divine soul. When you take loving action in your own behalf, you will feel valued rather than inadequate. Loving actions might include:

• Speaking up for yourself with others and telling your truth without blame or judgment in conflict situations.

• Taking care of your body through eating well, getting enough exercise, enough sleep, and so on.

• Creating a balance between work, rest, play and creative time.

• Treating yourself and others with respect and compassion rather than with judgment.

• Attending to – rather than ignoring – your own feelings and needs.

• Taking the time to pray and meditate.

• Choosing to notice your thoughts and practicing inner self-discipline regarding your thoughts.

When taking loving action in your own behalf replaces your inattentive and judgmental behavior toward yourself, you will feel high self-esteem.

What Does It Mean To “Self Improve?”

Self Improvement has become mainstream. In the last few years, since I have been writing articles and submitting them to article sites, I’ve noticed that the category of “Self Improvement” has been showing up lately when it was never there before. To me, this is very good news.

But what does it really mean to “Self Improve?” What are we really improving when we self improve? And what “self” are we improving?

We each have two “selves” – our wounded self and our core Self. Our core Self is our true self, our natural soul self – our essence. Our core Self is our passion, our joy, our gifts and talents, our ability to love, our creativity. We come into this life as our core Self, and when this Self is loved and valued by our parents, we continue to naturally grow our God-given gifts and talents and manifest the fullness of our beings. This Self wants to improve by learning the skills necessary to fully express itself.

But when this Self is not seen and valued in the way we needed, we create an alternative self, a self we hope will have control over getting the love we need and avoiding the pain we can’t handle – a self to help us feel safe. This is our false self, our wounded self, our ego self. This self is filled with the false beliefs that we absorbed as we were growing up – beliefs that end up limiting our true, core Self. This self does not needs improving – it needs healing.

The term “self improvement” can sometimes be a bit misleading, because we do not want to improve our wounded self. We do not want to improve on the ways we lie, manipulate, and avoid in our attempts to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. We don’t want to improve on our many addictions to substance and processes. We don’t want to improve on our anger, our compliance, our withdrawal and our resistance.

We want to heal it.

Healing and improving are not the same thing.

We can certainly self-improve when it comes to skills. We can improve in sports, in art, music, writing, cooking. We can improve our health and wellbeing by improving our diet and exercise program. We can improve in the knowledge we need to be more successful regarding work and money. We might be able to improve our relationships by learning new communication skills. But what if acquiring new knowledge and skills does not improve our health, or our ability to earn money, or our relationships? And what if learning new skills does not bring us more joy and inner peace? It may mean that we need to heal the underlying fears and false beliefs that cause us to be anxious, depressed, stressed, guilt-ridden, shamed, withdrawn, angry, blaming, or sad.

Sometimes Self Improvement just means practicing a skill, and others times it means that we need to participate in a deep healing process. For example, many people try to improve their health by losing weight and exercising. But if their food addictions are covering over unhealed pain, they might not be able to just change their diet. They might need to open to a healing process in order to eventually improve.

If you are really trying to self improve but find yourself stuck and unable to progress, or find that you have no joy or inner peace, you might want to open to the possibility that unhealed pain and beliefs are blocking your progress and causing your pain. It is easy to improve yourself when there is nothing blocking the way. But if you have old false beliefs about your adequacy and worth, these beliefs may be blocking your ability to take loving action in your own behalf. All your efforts to self improve will not bring you the satisfaction you are seeking if you have beliefs that are keeping you limited in fully expressing your true, core Self. If you are stuck, then you need to seek out a healing process, such as the Inner Bonding process we teach, that will move you out of the fears and beliefs that limit you. Healing these fears and limiting beliefs will open the door to improving your life in all ways!