Take all the control

“That’s in charge?” 10 ways to start taking control (time administration, goal setting, record monitoring)
At initial glance, it would certainly seem that hopefulness as well as Attention Insufficiency Disorder (ADD) have nothing at all to do with one an additional. Yet numerous of us with ADD develop bad reasoning patterns given that we become disappointed by our obstacles and frequent feelings of being confused. This adverse outlook then makes it even harder for us to handle those difficulties as well as move forward.

Practicing hopefulness allows people with ADD to concentrate on our durabilities and also achievements, which enhances happiness and also drive. This, in turn, permits us to devote even more time acting, as well as less time feeling down and also stuck. The subsequent ideas give good pointers that you can easily use to aid you move in to even more positive thinking designs:

1. Take Good Treatment of Yourself
It’s much easier to be beneficial when you are eating well, exercising, and also obtaining sufficient remainder.

2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For
Stresses and challenges don’t seem very as bad when you are frequently reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking merely 60 seconds a day to stop and value the good things will definitely make a big distinction.

3. Look for the Proof As an alternative of Making Presumptions
An anxiety of not looking like or accepted in some cases leads us to suppose that we know what others are thinking, however our worries are normally not fact. If you have a fear that a good friend or loved one’s bad mood is because of something you did, or that your co-workers are covertly gossiping regarding you when you turn your back, speak up and also ask them. Do not lose time fretting that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to stress over.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever before advised a partner “You’re CONSISTENTLY late!” or whined to a pal “You NEVER EVER call me!”? Believing as well as talking in absolutes like ‘always’ and also ‘never ever’ makes the scenario seem worse compared to it is, as well as shows your mind into thinking that specific individuals are incapable of providing.

5. Detach From Negative Notions
Your thoughts can’t hold any power over you if you don’t judge them. If you see yourself having a bad thought, detach from it, witness it, and also do not follow it.

6. Squash the “ANTs”
In his manual “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,” PHYSICIAN Daniel Amen talks about “ANTs” – Automatic Bad Notions. These are the bad notions that are typically reactionary, like “Those individuals are giggling, they must be talking about me,” or “The boss wishes to see me? It must be bad!” When you observe these thoughts, recognize that they are nothing more than ANTs and also squash them!

7. Method Lovin’, Touchin’ & Squeezin’ (Your Family and friends)
You do not need to be a professional to understand the conveniences of a really good caress. Positive physical contact with buddies, loved ones, and even pets, is an immediate pick-me-up. One analysis study on this subject matter had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She got greater tips from these customers compared to from the ones she didn’t touch!

8. Enhance Your Social Activity
By increasing social task, you decrease lonesomeness. Surround yourself with healthy and balanced, delighted individuals, and their good power will definitely influence you in a positive way!

9. Volunteer for a Company, or Assist another Person
Every person feels really good after assisting. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your websites. The more good power you put out in to the planet, the even more you will definitely receive in return.

10. Use Pattern Interrupts to Battle Rumination
If you locate on your own ruminating, a great way to quit it is to suspend the design as well as pressure on your own to do something entirely various. Rumination is like hyper-focus on something bad. It’s certainly never efficient, given that it’s not rational or solution-oriented, it’s simply excessive concern. Attempt altering your physical setting – select a walk or rest outside. You could even call a good friend, take up a handbook, or turn on some music.

When it involves the business field, process is basically the religious beliefs. To believe the points needed to do are the fundamentals of efficiency, but interaction and also having a stable thoughts composes the whole entire thing to correct efficiency. There are those who appear to operate well also under stress, however they’re unusual ones and we are individual as well as patchy. To get these little things like tension under our skins won’t address our complications. In some cases it takes a bit of courage to accept that we’re relying on be workaholics than advise our own selves that we’re not doing our best.

Work Life Balance And The Power of Positive Thinking

Can we learn how to respond optimistically and hopefully to events that challenge work life balance? According to psychologist and researcher Martin Seligman, the answer is YES. While some folks appear to be hardwired to respond optimistically to ups and downs in life and work, others are wired for pessimistic responses. Fortunately, you do not have to settle for the wiring you were born with. Find out how you can improve your resilience and hopefulness by acquiring positive thinking skills.

It’s important to get a handle on mood swings or energy shifts if you want to maintain your work life balance and be successful in business. According to psychologist and researcher Martin Seligman, some folks appear to be hardwired to respond optimistically and hopefully to work life balance upset and life’s ups and downs. Others are wired for opposite responses. Fortunately, you do not have to settle for the wiring you were born with. With practice you can improve your resilience and your hopefulness by acquiring solid positive thinking skills.

I like to think of the process of building hopefulness, resilience and positive thinking skills as an analogue to building physical fitness: it takes attention, concentration, commitment, and repetition. If you approach a workout program with those qualities, you can almost always improve your fitness.

The first hurdle to get over is the belief that you already need to be different in order to succeed. You don’t. You are the way you are and you can start from here, overwhelmed, worried, anxious, whatever. Don’t fall into your story about how you feel, but take a stand for what you intend to accomplish to restore your work life balance and where you plan to go. You do not need to feel better before you try these practices — do them now. Another caveat: Do not interpret your progress in the short term — measuring increase in strength and endurance after a single workout would be silly.

Seligman points out that people with an optimistic approach to life habitually accept positive thoughts and dispute negative thoughts. Those of us who are wired to be more pessimistic tend to dispute the positive and accept the negative. Optimists tend to assume that their life balance will be restored, good events will happen again and that bad events are an exception; pessimists assume the reverse. I am oversimplifying his rigorously considered arguments, and I encourage you to read the book if the science of this is important to you.

Here’s a practice he recommends for shifting from hopelessness to hopefulness. I successfully use it with my clients to help them restore their work life balance. He calls it ABCDE for:

Adversity — Beliefs — Consequences — Disputation — Energization.

A – Adversity
Start by spelling out the nature of the situation. Notice that you can experience hopelessness in response to ostensibly positive situations as well as to negative ones. For example, getting a new client or being accepted into a final round of interviews can upset your balance and send you into a whirlwind of anxiety and fear that produces just as much hopelessness and overwhelm as not getting the job or not making the cut.

B — Beliefs
This is your opportunity to spell out the thoughts and beliefs that are fueling the negative response.

C — Consequences
Look at the consequences of your beliefs — what happened as a result? How do you behave? What happened then?

D — Disputation
Actively dispute the beliefs that break your life balance and send you into the downward spiral. This is where you practice arguing with yourself in a productive way.

E — Energization
When you have been effective in disputing the problem beliefs, you feel an influx of energy, a sense of renewed hope, or at least of peacefulness.

So, here’s an example from my life:

I was excited about moving forward on two projects when I fell on my bike and cracked my ribs. I was okay and working hard with this for almost three days, then depression and anxiety set in and my usual positive thinking ability left me. Instead of feeling like moving forward I felt like bursting into tears.

How will I ever restore my work life balance and get things done if I can’t stop these mood swings? Maybe I am just not meant to lead these projects. I don’t know enough and I can’t seem to get started — I probably should have said no in the first place. It would be better to bow out now, as embarrassing as that will be, than to keep going and have a bigger train wreck later when I just can’t make the grade.

These beliefs leave me feeling very sad and small, like a six year old, and then I wonder how a six year old can possibly be a leader. I find it hard to concentrate and I just want to hide.

Constant low-grade pain can take it out of anyone. The world is not going to come to an end if you delay things because you’ve been injured. And who says you have to do it alone anyway? Some of the problem is that you don’t have enough information to go forward. That calls for making requests of others, not for blaming yourself. And when you’re not leaning on yourself so hard, your positive thinking ability starts coming back and your mood lightens — so maybe it would be smart to cut yourself some slack this week after letting folks know what is going on. You don’t have to crawl under a rock — you can reach out instead to restore your work life balance. And even if some work projects end up being passed on to others, there will always be other opportunities.

I called and emailed colleagues to regroup. Not only did these conversations relieve my anxiety, they made simple next steps quite clear. In one case, my summary of a conversation ended up being exactly what our group needed to move forward. Who knew? I had been worried about making things happen on my own when all along my strength was in articulating and clarifying complex input from many sources.

See how this works? I do strongly recommend the book as there are many more practices in it that address different aspects of overwhelm and ways to restore your work life balance. But if you struggle with hopelessness and challenge yourself to work through this one exercise on a regular basis (and if that means five or ten times a day, so be it), your positive thinking skills will grow and you WILL get relief. Remember — don’t measure change before it can happen — keep doing the practices long enough for significant positive shifts to take root and grow.

Gratitude, thanks, paying forward, positive relationships, happiness

Just as I was leaving my office last night, I discovered THE most beautiful bouquet of flowers sitting beside my door awaiting me.
I was so taken back by the thoughtfulness of whomever had arranged this lovely gift, and when I opened the card and read that it was from my clients who participated in our 13-month Group Therapy for Women, I felt a profound sense of gratitude for them, and for the work that I have the privilege to do as a psychotherapist on a daily basis.


Both I, and the members of this group, felt that we’d come to a natural end to the sessions over the previous month, and last Wednesday was our final one. These wonderful women decided that they wanted me to know that they were thinking of me on the first Wednesday that we didn’t meet, and the action they took to show me that also reinforced what had been said the week before: that our work together over those many months had been very meaningful to each of them.

But, as I’ve said to them many times, it’d been equally meaningful to me both as their therapist, and as a human being. We all felt grateful for one another, indeed.

So, what I’m writing about today is gratitude, and its ability to help us maintain a wider perspective of our lives, especially when life is particularly challenging and, even when it feels downright disheartening.

Psychologist Shawn Achor, author of “The Happiness Advantage” and “Before Happiness”, and who is at the forefront of a relatively new movement in the field known as “positive psychology”, presents research data that supports the idea that taking just a few minutes each day to write down 3 things that you’re grateful for that day for a period of 21 days can actually change the way you view the world, and your life, in particular.

In other words, rather than just focusing on the negative aspects of your life, research suggests that over this period of time, you’ll begin to notice more of the positive ones. (The most important part of this exercise is that you need to identify 3 uniquely positive things for each day; they can’t be the same day after day, for example, “grateful for your good health”.

Instead, your list of 3 needs to be different each day, and in this way, the mind is ‘forced’ to seek out the positive aspects of the day that might’ve been casually overlooked due to a narrow, or habitual, focus on what’s wrong with your day.)

He argues that the purpose of this exercise is not to ignore or minimize the hardships one might be experiencing but, rather, it’s to bring a more balanced view of one’s life into perspective.

In doing so, we can avoid ‘Eeyore” syndrome, that is, a feeling that all is bleak (and it’ll likely remain that way), and will be able to see with greater clarity the things that perhaps need to change in our lives but also, and more importantly, as Achor suggests, we can see what exists that we can truly feel grateful for.

In the end, maybe a successful and happy life might be as simple as adopting an attitude of gratitude.

So, take the challenge, and see for yourself if you feel more positive about your life after 21 days of looking on the bright(er) side!